when it seemed on the outside that things were fine I was miserable on the inside.. It was the longest September of my life…. I did manage to lose 10 pounds. I kept my hair up but it was an external attempt to compensate for internal pain. I asked my self over and over day in and day out how did I — the counselor— let it get this far? Why couldn’t I snap back as usual? What was different this time? How could I let this happen to me? I knew better, I knew coping skills like my alphabets, I have to be strong for everyone else, I can’t let ANYONE down.. – never let em see you sweat… The inability to be STRONG and INDEPENDENT in the face of depression and anxiety was out of my control… I finally had to realize I was not in control and I never was!!!